Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
