Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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