is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
