I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
