I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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