Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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