I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
