This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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