....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
