its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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