THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
