Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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