So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
