As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
