i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
