when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
