She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Operation Purity has been aborted
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
