you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
