Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
