but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
