Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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