I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
