It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
