Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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