Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
