i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
