DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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