he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
