omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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