I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
