I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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