i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
