He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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