This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
