found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
