Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
