do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
