So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
