we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
