I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
