the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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