i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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