I just made out with a guy for $7.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
