tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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