i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
