I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
