You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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