The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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