You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
