I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
