I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
